For many years I had only one close friend with whom I would socialize. It was mainly out of proximity and convenience and settling, if you will. We had a history, as we went to high school together, but we were not friends much then. Upon becoming close right as we started college, our friendship promptly fell apart when she told me I was stupid for developing bulimia and that I deserved everything coming to me. It should be noted that as our friendship "grew" years later, she would recount this strain in our relationship as a good thing- that she was making my life better. Anyhow, we never had a positive relationship. I felt used and guilted into things much of the time. Finally I "broke it off" in April and I cannot tell you how much better my life is.

I'm learning that I don't "have" to do anything. If I want to stay at home on a Friday or Saturday night or spend it with my family, this is not a bad thing. J was under the impression that since we are in our 20's, we must always be partying. If I wanted to go to sleep by Midnight, that was lame. I'm so much happier being comfortable with my quiet time. I socialize with a new group of friends whom I adore with all my heart. I will also spend a Saturday night reading on the deck and that's okay.

I'm also okay with my Internet life. Sure, 95% of my close friends are those I've met through the Internet. This does not make me lame, unsociable, or unable to make friends in "real life". I firmly believe this is a consequence of living in 2011. Get with the times.

Post for next time: JY's discussion at group of imagining yourself in a better place. If you can't imagine it, you'll never get it.