What does it take to be comfortable with my body? How do you "get over" ten years of complete and total body dissatisfaction? I wouldn't even call it dissatisfaction. How about disdain, hatred, disgust? Anyhow. I just really can't stand my body. And I always try to think about what I've learned in therapy. In that moment where I hate myself, what is really going on? What is driving this feeling? But why can't it be that I really hate my body?

I have so much work that needs to be done in order to get physically fit. You don't gain thirty pounds and it's all hunky dory after that. This body is on loan to me. Technically speaking. But I actually meant that this weight, this body size has got to be temporary. Will it all even out? It's been a year and a half into recovery. Shouldn't my body have adjusted by now? My metabolism adjusted back to normal? I have so many questions.

This is all up to me. I'm the one who needs to do the work. I can hate my body all I want, but at the end of the day- I'm the one changing my eating habits. I'm the one who needs to get her ass to the track.

/typical girl bullshit

-L