I find that I'm relying more on self-injury again in recent weeks. And in thinking about it tonight because my friend JE and I were discussing it, I realized that I think I'm using such symptoms again because my life feels so out of control, so beyond my reach and unchangeable by me, but the only thing I can control is how I cause pain to my own body. That used to be the story for my eating disorder- controlling an out of control life- but I can't even control my ED anymore, which is a whole 'nother discussion.

I still don't want to be this person. But I feel like I have so many issues, so many problems, that injuring myself is a nice and tidy way of "fixing" things. It's a crock, of course. I'm very aware of that. But I feel like so much is flaring up right now and relying on negative coping skills is my MO and always has been. What the hell are positive coping skills?

I should blog/journal more because I feel like shit talking about this with other people. Again...that's a blog entry for another day. Fuck meeee.