Venustation means the act of making something beautiful or handsome. I added the 's' because venustation was already taken. Obvs.

This is the 3rd blog I've created in the last two years- all attempts at a new beginning. The earlier two became exactly what I was trying to get away from- obsessions over my body, my inadequacy, my terrible self-esteem. I only wrote entries when I was upset which ends up documenting only the sad parts of my life.

I want this blog to be about everything; the sadness, yes. But also the hopes, what's on my mind, what's making me crazy, what's making me happy. Even what I did each day so I can remember it all later.

I've been blogging online in some form for over ten years. If Teen Open Diary still existed and I remembered my login information, you'd find my earliest pieces of online journaling. You'd find a journal entry from September 13, 2001- the soonest after 9/11 that I felt comfortable documenting that day. You'd find that I talked about my theatre life a lot which got me in trouble when members of my theatre group found my TOD and shared it with the group- casting me out and making me a spectacle for months. I was 14-17 years old in the time that I had that journal before I moved on to Livejournal where I stayed until my online journaling petered out about two years ago.

I've always been a writer- starting with really odd and melodramatic stories written during class in middle school, swapped between friends as we all wrote similar stories. Online journaling is reminiscent of that time for me. I write for an audience when 90% of the time there isn't one.

I'm only here to impress myself, though. To document my life, to vent, to express, to emote.

Welcome to Attempt #3 at redefining my life through blogging.

-L